Return of the LowBaller

Lonichiro's bat catches fire to hold off the Loggers in a classic slugfest
Regular Season
Game Date: 
July 11, 2010
Epicocity of Game: 

These are the dog days of summer, when everything slows to a crawl. These are supposed to be the mediocre days of wiffle, not today, not this season.
LeBron may have held the mainstream media hostage for the last month, but The LowPress has steadfastly remained dedicated to chronicling what may be the most impressive LowBall season to date. Too often we fail to recognize significant events within the moment. Now I, celebrated wiffle journalist Hugh Wifflerton, am here to tell you, "pay attention, it gets no better than this." Those fans that braved the heat on Sunday were treated to yet another controversial classic at the Friendly Confines.
This was not a story of bad pitching nor poor fielding, though neither were stellar. No, this game told the tale of thunderous bats, from the steady power of the Black Cloud to continued big stick of Tremendous Thompson. Through all the hits and homeruns, one man stood tall as the hero of this classic, Lonichiro.
Returning from his self imposed banishment to the Norwalk Nutterbutters and following a series of trades, Lonichiro walked with an obvious chip on his shoulder. On top of it, he had to read the following George McNeilly appraisal,

Lonichiro is not known for his power

But unlike his contemporaries that managed to talk away half the game, it was his bat that spoke loudly, racking up an astounding 3 ring a ding ding dongs over the 8 innings of action. This on the heels of another multi big pop night for the perennial allstar on Friday. Lonichiro got it done against all three Logger pitchers, including a deep deep shot off of the Black Cloud. "I struck him out the previous at bat with two change-ups and like a rookie I threw it again. That guy is a veteran, you can't make mistakes like that," the Cloud stated in the post game interview.
Much has been made recently of the over exuberant arguing delaying games. While purists will state that the argument is fundamental to the game, those with a time crunch contend that these end up being a massive time suck. Once again, we witnessed a flare-up over a fielding play that had fairly significant implications. Lonichiro fielded a dribbler from the Chin and performed some rendition of a triple salchow, all the while juggling like he was an underpaid child performer in Cirque du Wiffle. The end result was that the Astroglide Smooth Defender was a good 6 feet closer to the throw-out zone and successfully threw out Claudio. A loud session of philosophizing followed with The Commish leading for the defense and Black Cloud presenting for the prosecution. There were some fairly atrocious arguments presented from both sides including the assertion that a player could bobble all the way to zone on purpose. Surprisingly the argument that would have been the strongest was never presented by the defense, that allowing the play increased the quality of the game.
The result was an out and a fuming Black Cloud. In the days of Hot Rod, this negativity would have resulted in an easy out for the pitcher El Guapo. However, since the name switch, we have seen the Cloud embrace it and use it. No different during this at bat, the Black Shadow crushed a Guap breaker into the stands, his first of two round trippers of the day.
In a potential preview of the Summer Classic, The Black Cloud faced off against El Guapo for a multi inning pitching battle. Neither found their mark early, Guap battling a belly shirt and Cloud struggling to find his way with the mound and the heavy air. Both pitchers would struggle early but find their marks in the later innings. Both would throw 5 innings in the first extended pitching sessions since the epic Matriwiffle a year ago.

The game remained tight as the middle relievers came in for both teams.
Claudio brought a bevy of fantastical breaks to the game while Lonichiro held the fort for the Lagers.
Sophomore pitcher, Lucky Charms, was given the call as the Loggers closer, stepping to the mound with a 14-11 lead. The mighty bats of the Lagers would prove too much for the youngster as they mercied the closer to take the lead. The Loggers rallied to within two runs and put the tying run at the plate. Unfortunately, Black Cloud's luck would run short against the Lagers' closer, Tremendous Thompson. Thompson would earn the save by getting the Cloud to pop-out.

We should all take a second to appreciate the simplicity and the beauty of these mid summer games. These are the times that will bring us warmth in the dead of winter. As a little extra, The LowPress is publishing a few big pictures to close this article.

Player of the Game
3 homeruns, dominance from the plate, enough said.
Astroglide Smooth Defense
Defensive Highlights: 
Like the Matt Brown Wiffdependence POTG, this is a dubious award. His defensive bobble throw-out was the best and most controversial play of the game.
Quote of the Game
These aren't outfits, girls wear outfits. These are uniforms.
Player quoted: 
In response to a spectator that heckled, "Hey, those are nice outfits you've got."


Member since:
6 June 2010
Last activity:
4 years 8 weeks

It bears a mention that the whole quote goes something like this:
Spectator: Hey, those are nice outfits you got.
Tremendous Thompson: These aren't outfits, girls wear outfits. These are uniforms

Member since:
20 October 2009
Last activity:
8 years 6 weeks

Cheers for that clarification, it has been corrected to reflect a more accurate rendition. It is highly likely that there are more facts missing. The LowPress fact checking union has been on strike and we can't get any scabs to cross the picket lines.

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