Lagers win epic Wifftober IV cliffhanger

Balanced team effort leads Lagers over a thirsty Loggers team
Post Season
Game Date: 
October 30, 2010
Epicocity of Game: 

The year may go down in history as the Lost Season of LowBall, but the conclusion was an unforgettable, jawdropping masterpiece. For those that had written the league off as dead, it was a loud and clear message that the heart of LowBall beats strongly and defiantly. Despite a chopped down 9 inning set and the noticeable absence of J-Mac and El Guapo, LowBall fans were treated to pure wiffle bliss.

The Commissioner woke early and headed straight to the LowBall weather complex to examine the conditions. It was a late decision to shift the game from the frozen snowy tundra of GapBridge to LowBall's balmiest location, Burnham Field. The wifflers arrived promptly a 9:37, well except West Coast who was calling folks at 10 am to car pool.

Being experienced Vermonters, the players took the necessary precautions to stave off the cold. The fans appeared to have over medicated and were various shades of orange and immobile or just plain nonexistent.

As the rain eased to a mild drizzle, the warriors of wiffle took to the field. The visiting Lagers posting The Black Cloud, Chin Music, The Plastic Surgeon, and Tremendous Thompson against the home Loggers of The Ox, Lonichiro, West Coast, and Hideki O'Leary.


The Loggers looked to further chill the Lagers by putting perennial All LowBall First Teamer, Lonichiro, on the mound.

The cold temperatures and wet conditions were playing havoc with the pitches, leading some players to think in their head, "I got 99 problems and a pitch is one." Sadly or thankfully, depending on your perspective, this player never utilized this grand parody in play.


The veteran Lagers were well lubricated and weathered Lonichiro's arm, banging out 3 runs on the strength of a Chin Music triple. The home Loggers would recover a few runs in the bottom slice and may have put more up had it not been for a stumbling, falling, laid out grab by Black Cloud in the stands. As he stood up, he knocked a beer out of the beerman's rack and coldly stated, "Thanks a lot asshole."

At the end of one, it was 3-2 Lagers, but their stature as the leading team would be short lived. Lonichiro locked down, backed by a strong defense, and held the Lagers scoreless in the 2nd. The Loggers would get back their 3 runs from Chinsecom and leave the Lagers flailing at 5-3. Despite losing the lead, the Lagers were feeling pretty good knowing that the Surgeon was set to take the mound but first they needed to put some runs on the board.

Rookie of the year candidate, Hideki O'Leary took the mound as the field shifted into swamp mode. While aiding the rook with mound maintenance, Chin suffered a rather wicked half millimeter gash of the thumb. This injury would play a significant role in this story in later innings. (Editor's note: though the LowPress has traditionally held a strict ban on foreshadowing, we have allowed Hugh this leniency as we are too bitter about the rumored sale of the LowPress to Newscorp to care)

The Lagers would grab 3 runs by the midpoint of the 3rd and were back on top 6-5 with the Surgeon ready to throw. Evidently, the Loggers had read the report from the chief LowBall scout George McNeily stating that the Surgeon has been inconsistent in games void of Gin and Tonics. They jumped on the ball early and often and sent the Surgeon to Mercy East. 12-6, Loggers up after 3.

Once again the Lagers would rally, laying on another 5 runs to get within one of the Loggers halfway through the 4th. Unfortunately the lumbering ones would stretch the lead against the Surgeon to a 14-11 mountain.
The rampant scoring and lead changes would come to screeching pause as the long time foes, West Coast and Black Cloud, took the mound for their respective teams. If LowBall had an award for most improved player, West Coast would certainly be a candidate. His pitching was stellar and he held the Lagers scoreless through the 5th and 6th. Incidentally, if LowBall had a combined award for best late arrival average and lowest number of beers brought, West Coast would not only be a candidate but the obvious choice.


The Black Cloud followed up his dominant performance in the Summer Classic with another decent couple of innings on the mound. Much like the Summer Classic, he allowed runners but managed to get out without any runs. Hideki felt the brunt of Black Cloud's inconsistency, taking a shot to the head.

The ghost of El Guapo was certainly hovering close to the field and it could be heard as the players switched sides, "that's a major squander."

After 6 innings things were well within reach for the Lagers still down 14-11.

The bats came alive for both teams in the 7th. The Lagers rallied to once again take the lead, 15-14, as Ox struggled to find the mark. As was the theme for the day, the lead wouldn't last long as Lonichiro repaid Chin Music for his earlier triple. With the bases juiced, Lonichiro clocked a shot just over the leftfield wall/string. He capped his trot off with a non-traditional foot first flop over home. With another one for insurance, the Loggers were once again on top after 7 innings, 19-15.
The 8th would see the Lagers come back to within one run, racking up 3 against the Ox. The Surgeon came on for the Lagers and held strong, avenging his earlier Mercy with a giant egg for the Loggers. He also stated something about "the mud, the blood, and the beer" which was contested by the rival Loggers. Their defense would have held up if it were not for the slight gash Chin suffered earlier in the game. This confrontation may very well have been the turning point in the game.
Coming into the 9th, the Lagers were down by one and facing the most feared pitching rotation in LowBall, closer by committee, winner stays on. Things were looking bleak for the Lagers as quickly 2 outs were on the board and it was looking like the Loggers would finally over come their arch rivals in the big game.
Then things started to click for the Lagers and none of pitchers from the Loggers could slow them. The Lagers put seven consecutive runs on the board to jump out to a 25-19 lead.

The Black Cloud returned to the mound for the save in the bottom of the ninth and rang up a quick out. After loading the bases, he turned to his field and stated, "be ready" with Lonichiro at the plate. A mistake, as Lonichiro drifted a triple to bring in 3 and put the Loggers within 3 of a Wifftober victory.

Black Cloud took a sip from the jug of Ketel One at the mound and stared down West Coast. With one pitch, Howell was sent packing, a Ketel One and Done. This proved to be the biggest defensive play of the game as the momentum of the charging Loggers was halted.

However, another batter would make it to base and the Loggers would have the winning run at the plate. Cloud threw hard and forced the batter into a sharp ground ball that was fielded cleanly by the pitcher and successfully turned for an out. Game over. 25-23 Lagers win their 4th straight Wifftober.






Player of the Game
Astroglide Smooth Defense
Defensive Highlights: 
The Ketel One and Done on West Coast following Lonichiro's crushing triple in the 9th
Quote of the Game
Player quoted: 
as Jon inspected the medical facilities of the clubhouse


Member since:
7 August 2007
Last activity:
6 years 19 weeks

Once again, Hugh has set the standard for LowBall coverage. The game recap was amazing (all by memory, I guess) and the photos were nothing short of fantastic. The details make the story, and no one catches the small but game changing moments like our own Hugh Wifflerton. Thanks from all your dedicated readers.

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