Welcome back wiffle fans to The Bristol Tribune's continuing coverage of Wifftober III. This week we take a look at a bunch of losers, The Loggers. Since there are no words to describe their failure, I, celebrated journalist Hugh Wifflerton, have pulled a slew of photos from the archives. These images clearly show a team on their way to destruction, fueled by the most controversial argument of all time, ever.

HINT: click photo for high res-ish version

The First Six:

It was 20 degrees at seven AM when the Lowbus made its first stop in Lincoln at Casa de Guapo.  By game time it had warmed to a balmy 28 degrees down in Waltham.  The grounds crew had mowed the frost off the field and was stretching the yellow power cords across the infield to mark the play boundaries.  The air was thick with the giddy feeling of getting away with something.  We had somehow convinced our wives and loved ones that a ten hour wiffle ball game was really the best use of our time.  The teams were pumped and the banter in the Oxley clubhouse was frivolous as West Coast mixed up a top-notch batch of Bloody Marys for the game.  

The Wooden Ones were outside practicing double play balls and warming up their arms for the coming battle. The competitiveness that the Axemen brought to the game was a palpable sign of their hunger for the hardware -- Lord Wiffle's Chalice.  The Lagers, dominant all season long, were more laid back.  They knew that to win they just had to do what they had been doing all season -- drink beer and hurl plastic.  

Lonichiro sang the anthem with added emotion behind the newly enhanced Chalice of Lord Wiffle and the fly-over by the Canadian Color Guard happened about an hour late.  Apparently geese can't tell time.  Claudio led off as the starting pitcher for the Loggers and was rudely slapped awake with a four run burst of power by the frothing Lagers.  Still only the first inning, everyone who wiffles knows that four runs is nothing to a seasoned team like the Loggers, but it proved to be the beginning of a long day of catch-up ball and the Lagers never looked back.  

The best argument of the day came early when J-Mac popped up into foul territory down the right field line.  J-Mac had his wits about him and called "tag" to advance the runner from third.  The ball was caught and no throw came home to gun him down.  When J-Mac asserted that he had indeed called for the tag, confirmed by Lucky Charms, while the ball was still in the air, all hell broke loose on the field. -- Can a runner tag up on a foul ball? How far foul is too far? If it is too far foul wouldn't that be like the fielder diving into the stands?  What if he landed on the guy selling beer?  Would the Beer guy's insurance cover him? -- These, and many other salient points were bandied about at top volume until it was decided that it would be ruled a do-over -- a first in Lowball history-- costing the Lagers a run and depriving them of what would have been another first for Lowball, the first legitimate use of the Tag Rule.  They would have to wait until the top of the 19th inning for that honor when J-Mac again had the presence of mind to call a runner home.  For the time, however, the Loggers won the first argument of the day and Claudio had to pitch to J-Mac again.  The first pitch, coming on a 1-2 do-over count, J-mac ripped for a single. Therefore, instead of facing Lonichiro with two outs, one run in and a man on first and second, Claudio now faced him with one run in, one out and the bases juiced.  Ichiro promptly made them pay for their argument with another hit, and the Lager tide was rising.  El Guapo did garner the MVA --Most Valuable Arguer--award for the series for his introduction of the Beer-man defense.  

The effervescent Lagers rallied for seven runs in the first six innings and held the Axemen to just one run off a poised Oxley in the third.  Sausage bagel sandwiches followed, and the charter flights for Gap-Bridge left just before noon.

The Second Six:

The temperature at the Hallowed Grounds was up in the forties by the time the teams took the field on what had become an epic October day.  West Coast and Lucky Charms were the last to arrive, apparently because West Coast had an appointment for a facial in between games.  The September call-up from the Scottish leagues was asked to comment on why the driver of his car was so long in getting them to the game.  Unfortunately no one could understand what he said through his thick Scottish brogue.  Claudio again took the mound for his team to lead the charge in the top of the seventh, and again he was treated rudely by the Fizzy ones.  Four more runs and an 11-1 Lager lead.  

The pitching of the Lagers staff continued to dominate and by the time the burgers were served the tide had risen to 14-1.  The Woodsmen would have some clear-cutting to do if they were going get out of this forest.  

The Back Nine:

Hunter S. Thompson field was immaculate and the amazing weather made the idea of quitting after only six innings, as planned, seem ludicrous.  Besides the Loggers were going to be needing all nine if they were to have any shot of coming back.  And come back they did, first with a solo home run from the bat of El Gordo in the bottom of the 13th inning off of Lonichiro who served him a meatball on a platter which he golfed over the left field fence.  Again in the bottom of the 14th inning the Loggers finally pounced on T. Trot Thompson III who had stymied them all day.  Trot held his poise as the loggers sent five men around the merry-go-round.  His fielders, who had been sharp all day, missed some routine plays that added to his troubles and it seemed as if the Loggers might finally be getting the rally they needed to make it a game.  

That might have been the case if only they didn't have to face The Ox, J-Mac, and His Holiness the Plastic Surgeon.  Lights-out-Lagers for the next seven innings.  "There was nothing they could do." The Beer Guy was quoted as saying,  "It's bad enough that you have to have to face Mac and Ox, but to know that you're ten runs down and The Scalpel is on the mound?  Fuggedaboutit."  

And forget they did, as the Lagers hoisted the hardware and sipped sweet victory from the Lord's Chalice.  

Post Script:

It was noted by a keen observer that the Lagers put Champagne -- actual Champagne, not the Champagne of Beers, which is the customary beverage for such occasions-- in The Chalice for their celebratory quaffs.  Some wonder if this is a sign that the dreaded gentrification has finally come to Lowball; some wonder if HR hoarded the stash of High Life that he had hoped to be pouring over his own team's heads.  The embattled Commissioner could not be reached for comment.  The world may never know, but one thing we all know for sure:  Lowball will be awash with controversy when the snow melts and we find all the balls we lost in the tall grass.  May it always be so.

One Wiffle

Lonichiro

The Lagers continued, and completed, their dominating roll through the 2009 LowBall season with a convincing 17-7 win in the Wifftober classic. The Lagers bring home a second championship in 3 years, and redeem themselves for last year's Wifftober embassment when they lost to the Loggers 47-17 after winning the Eastren League pennant. In addition to winning this year's pennant,  they also became the first team to win 10 regular season games in LowBall history with a 10-5-1 record, but it was number 11 that they needed to conclude their seeminglly magical ride.

Good morning LowBall Wiffle fans and welcome to Wifftober III.  Today promises to be an epic game of plastic hurling played through the harshest of weather.  At this wee hour of wifftober III, the players are going through their pre game rituals as the temperatures hover in the low 20's.  Well all except West Coast Howell who has just gone to bed.   Your LowBall Sports Network (LSN) will be bringing you all the action today as it unfolds.  Keep checking back for the big news.  Let's Rock.

The Archived Commentary

The agony of defeat :( SB

Moving to final venue lagers up 14-1.

Top 10 lagers 11 loggers 1 SB

Lagers 1 argument loggers 1 argument

After 6 lagers lead 7-1 moving to gap bridge. Lot of wiffle left to play

Loggers are on the board. 7-1 top 6th

Lagers strike for 3 more. Top 4th 7-0

Still leading arguments SB

After two still 4-0 lagers DMF

Loggers 1 argument Lagers 0 arguments

Burned 4 pancakes in bottom of first. Not happy. DMF

The game is on

Teams are on the field

Wifflers are assembled at HST and heading for Burnham. Game On.

pregame smoothies-good. -jrg

West Coast is picking up the Lucky Charms and eggs, only in wiffle.

It is cold out there wiffle freaks

The schedule was set early in the spring and showed no activity for Labor Day weekend.  The usual suspects were deep into family themed adventures, displaying little inclination to wiffle until the very last moments.  If you didn't know better, you would assume that nothing of consequence happened in the world of LowBall over this long weekend.  You would be wrong.

Despite the Commish's natural desire to quantify what constitutes a LowBall classic, I would argue that the criteria is fuzzy and difficult to define in the moment.  What makes a game stick out in your mind weeks, months, or even years later?  Certainly it is not simply the score or even how deep the battle goes.  For the splendor of our little slice of wiffle lies within the diversity and commitment of the players, the beauty of the backdrop and an atmosphere of competition built on mutual respect and admiration.  Now when all three combine with a see saw battle you are guaranteed a classic and even if the Commish does not call it in person, his presence is felt.

Early in the game it was obvious that the air at Hunter S. Thompson Memorial Greens was favoring offense.  HST, already known as a hitter's park, greeted the batters with an unusual friendliness.  The visiting Loggers, powered by the explosive allstar duo of Lonichiro and The Ox, jumped out early with a piercing array of batmanship.  But like true warriors, The Lagers battled back on strength of the Bishkek Bash Brothers, Hot Rod Beck and ChinMusic Frank.  Frank relentlessly pounded well placed shots while Beck showed his propensity to go opposite, dropping two ding dongs over the lonely wall.  The second blast was dangerously close to long strike territory and sparked an intense exchange of theories.  In the end, the Lagers philosophized loudest and the home run stood, marking the fifth time this season that Hot Rod made the little kids count with two fingers.

Ox had announced his hard stop early in the match, drawing the first new nickname in some time, Rolox.   The slugger had already set the statistical mark for the game, having garnered the most footwear comments since the Stillwell Boot Masterpiece.  In fact, Hideki O'Leary, showing up in street clothes, nominated The Ox aka Rolox for "the Best Footwear of the Season.". There is still a lot of wiffle left to play but you have to think he has a slight lead over J Mac.

Sometime around the 7th, Ox trumpeted his saddened departure and all the players gathered to wish him well.  And then as the Fall temperatures will shift in an instant, the Ox called for the ball, exclaiming game back on.  Surely folk singers will write songs of this moment and all will dance and be joyous upon hearing said glorious jingle.

Lonichiro opened the 8th up by dropping his second dingaling off the Hot Rod.  It would have seemed that the Loggers were on their way to a storied and epic comeback.  And that may have just been the story if it wasn't for an early move to closer by committee by the Lagers.  The ChinMusic of Matriwiffle lore took the mound and cast a long shadow on the bats of the Loggers ending the rally before it got ugly.

As they say, the rest is history, just another LowBall classic.

 In a seven hour epic, LowBall witnessed it's first night game as the Loggers ended their 4 game loosing streak, sort of, drawing a never before tie with the Loggers 21-21. The Lagers were well on their way to their 5th straight win, leading 16-7 going into the bottom of the ninth. In the failing light play became difficult for both teams especially the batters. Desperate to not loose their fifth game in a row, the Loggers donned night vision goggles provided by the local Voyeur Club which the Surgeon belongs to. The Lagers who, as everyone knows, are not into peeping objected wildly however, LowBall Commissioner t ,who was in attendance, ruled that there were no League rules concerning increased vision enhancement. His on the spot ruling stated, "I have seen players play in self-induced blindness, often even better than when (they were) straight. We will resume play."

The Loggers rallied to score nine runs in the bottom of the ninth, however, the Lagers could not see the ball, other players, or scorecard to challenge the rally tally, which tied the score at 16 at the end of regulation. The Commissioner, concerned about the safety of the players and fans, ordered a sustained effort to finish the keg of Switchback that Claudio brought while the League weighed the options. After an hour and half delay, the lights of the beer wagon were turned on, to prevent the further insulting spillage of beer as well as an ever increasing number of lost cups, and shined across the manicured grass at GapBridge Field.

While officials huddled around the beer discussing game options and the underlying philosophy of LowBall, Lonichiro and Black Cloud Beck began warming up on the dimly lit field. Perhaps it was the beer, or perhaps it was the weeds that t digested while looking for the night goggles lost in the high grass, but the visionary Commissioner ordered all vehicles left at the ball park to the playing field to provide lights for extra innings. As the players and fans streamed to the field in their vehicles, crushing the concession stand grill concealed in the darkness, the Commissioner beamed in the beams of SUV’s, and eco sub-compacts, as the Loggers and Lagers gathered on the field to resume play. While most all of the details of the extra innings were apparently written in language made up that night and since lost to history, from interviews we do know that both teams played into the 19th inning, or so, where the game was finally stopped due to the 1AM curfew imposed on weeknights in Lincoln.

Final score 21-21. The tie, a league first, will require a new column in the standings chart, and halts the Lagers winning streak at 4, leaving them with a 6-2-1 record, while the Loggers are now 2-6-1.
 

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