Outrage mounts as sensational rookie, the Unshod One, cut from Wifftober VII roster

Outrage mounts as sensational rookie, the Unshod One, cut from Wifftober VII roster

As early as 9:07 am this morning, the LowPress was swamped by calls (two) reporting the collection of a feisty crowd in front of the LowBall World Headquarters in Lincoln, Vermont. The crowd varied loud chants from "LET HIM IN" to "OUT WITH THE COMMISSIONER" to "WE WANT BACON". The source of this angered mob can be traced to an unilateral decision declaring rookie phenom The Unshod One ineligible for Wifftober VII. The decision was issued by the league's spokesman Tickle G. Spot yesterday afternoon after The Unshod One submitted his declaration of attendance at 12:01, apparently failing to meet the requirements of the league.

Chief protester Jacques Inseam of the Wifflepeace Organization stated,

"We are here to right this egregious situation. We brought a little barbecue, some tofu snappers and a case of Bartles and Jaymes. I think we may even have a rug for comfortable protesting. What was the question again?"

Officials at the league office could not be reached for comment on the situation. However, the janitor, Jerry Trasican stated,

"I clean that office every day, you wouldn't believe the stuff I find, I mean disgusting depraved things like a bloody moose hoof holding a wiffle bat hitting a chocolate covered turnip, what the hell is that anyway? Is this on the record, um, I don't know anything."

This is typical high handed shenanigans from the highly corrupt and mostly inebriated league office. It must be assumed they are hoping for the naive rookie to come forth with a ransom of Miller High Life to gain entry. I, famed and sometimes celebrated wiffle journalist Hugh S. Wifflerton, have offered my law services (as recognized by parts of the Mexican government) to the rookie pro bono in an attempt to right this wrong.

The crux of the case is the wording in the Terms and Conditions for this year's Wifftober which state:

Please "Respond All" with either an "in" or "out" by noon Monday Wifftober 21st.

Records do show that the Unshod One replied at 12:01 on October 21st. As the league has attempted to crack down on the rampant performance enhancing tardiness that has made a sham of so many cherished records, they were swift to issue a heavy handed verdict. However, it is their typically lazy handling of the language that shall prove my client eligible.

The word noon is as vague as the history of the tag rule in LowBall. It has been attributed to many times of the day over the years and is most often associated with simply the midday range. If used to designate a specific time, it is common practice to place the time in front of it, for instance 12:00 noon. When no time is provided, it is assumed that the author has simply shortened "High Noon" to noon. On October 21st, high noon was at approximately 12:35pm. As no specific time was indicated, my client is in fact eligible for the Wifftober classic, however the customary rookie requirement of providing ample beverages to the elder wifflers shall not be waived.

So in summation, The Unshod One shall play in Wifftober VII. I have submitted our appeal to league officials.

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