The One Game Season - An UPDATED Brief-ish History of Wifftober

The One Game Season - An UPDATED Brief-ish History of Wifftober

By all scientific methods known to man, there is no better way to determine the season of Fall than Wifflers competing in the Wifftober championship. For many years now, a group of dedicated plastic practitioners have gathered for a day long wiffle battle spread across multiple fields and played through whatever weather Lord Wiffle deems appropriate. At the conclusion of the day, some Wifflers triumphantly spill beer from Lord Wiffle's Chalice all over there grass stained jerseys while others wallow in the realization that they will be losers for an entire year. The following summarizes the Wifftobers played to date, click on the title for full write-ups.

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Wifftober I

Date: October 15, 2007
Fields: GapBridge front nine, HST back nine
Lagers - 29 - Black Cloud, Lonichiro, J-Mac
Loggers - 28 - The Plastic Surgeon, Tremendous Thompson, Ox, Lucky Charms, The Brown Unit, West Coast

Recap's best quote:

Trot had the play of the game, self described as the moon. I would like to clarify this as being the eclipse as the humor factor eclipsed the quality of what was certainly the best defensive play of the game if not the year.

Hugh's Notes
Season I went straight into the crapper after the Summer Classic. J-Mac was rumored to be locked in a loony bin mumbling, "Kong, kong, no, that damn Kong" while El Guapo was spotted dressed in head to toe camo saying "the only white I want to see in October is tail." At some undisclosed location, which we have to assume was a bar, a few wiffle patriots decided that a final game must be played and this game should be all about wiffle, no families, no pomp, no lame ass crap. Many forget that this game was not even called "Wifftober", instead it was titled "The Last Wiffle", a nod to the potential finality of the league.

This was arguably the greatest game in LowBall history and probably the most important game ever played. The momentum gained rallied the league into season II. Nothing stands out, dammit, that's a lie. I have tried for 6 years to drink the "Tremendous Catch" out of my memory. It would seem that his lack of a drawstring has resulted in an unenviable image burned into my brain.


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Wifftober II

Date: October 25 & 26, 2008
Fields: HST front nine, GapBridge back nine
Lagers - 17 - Black Cloud, Tremendous, Ox, The Brown Unit
Loggers - 47 - The Plastic Surgeon, Lonichiro, El Guapo, West Coast

Recap's best quote:

By the 15th inning the live attendance had dwindled to one man and one miniature horse, and the television audience to zero.

Hugh's Notes
This game was about as entertaining to watch as an overweight Miley Cyrus twerking on perv era Pee Wee Herman, check that, that would be far more entertaining, especially if instead of Miley it was a monkey and instead of Pee Wee it was Pat Sajak and instead of twerking they were competing at cup stacking. The league folded like a cheap suit and scheduled the game for two days, a travesty that makes this Wifftober practically meaningless. Hot Rod Beck walked off the field midway through the back nine and left on a journey that would lead to Dark Skies. That said, the winners were the first to guzzle warm beer from Lord Wiffle's Chalice (the year before the trophy lacked a chalice on top - more here on the trophy). The tradition of drinking from the chalice is the most sacred in all of LowBall, so sacred that even apathetic wifflers have managed to uphold it consistently.


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Wifftober III

Date: October 17, 2009
Fields:Burnham front 6 GapBridge mid 6, HST back 6
Lagers - 17 - The Plastic Surgeon, Ox, J-Mac, Lonichiro, Tremendous
Loggers - 6 - Black Cloud, El Guapo, West Coast, Chin Music, Lucky Charms

Recap's best quote:

What if he landed on the guy selling beer? Would the Beer guy's insurance cover him? -- These, and many other salient points were bandied about at top volume until it was decided that it would be ruled a do-over -- a first in Lowball history-- costing the Lagers a run and depriving them of what would have been another first for Lowball, the first legitimate use of the Tag Rule

Hugh's Notes
Season III may very well be the greatest year of LowBall ever played, nobody died and only a few people sobbed uncontrollably. The Wifftober was the grandest of affairs, played across three fields, fairly tight through-out and ripe with controversy. The game was likely decided in the front nine during most notorious argument every waged, "The Beerman". I, celebrated wiffle journalist Hugh S. Wifflerton, nearly was nominated to possibly win a regional runner-up Pulitzer as a result of my piece examining the argument. Suffice to say, a do-over is always a lame resolution to any argument unless that argument is over how fast Hugh can drink a Whiskey Sour. Speaking of drinking, this marked the first year that the trophy went on tour of the waterholes of Bristol. The tales of this voyage are more epic than the actual game played.


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Wifftober IV

Date: October 30, 2010
Fields:Burnham
Lagers - 25 - Black Cloud, The Plastic Surgeon, Chin Music, Tremendous
Loggers - 23 - Lonichiro, West Coast, Ox, Hideki O'Leary

Recap's best quote:

Black Cloud took a sip from the jug of Ketel One at the mound and stared down West Coast. With one pitch, Howell was sent packing, a Ketel One and Done.

Hugh's Notes
Season IV paralleled a lot of the late suck that made Season I's Wifftober necessary. El Guapo died and J-Mac returned to the loony bin mumbling "he had a hot dog cart, he had a goddamn hot dog cart." It was heavily speculated that Wifftober would not happen. The days were well cold before the league finally scheduled the game. Wiff IV holds many titles - latest ever, shortest, fewest fields and possibly best game. It was the nastiest of conditions but still featured an onfield battle the likes of which haven't been seen since Emmanuel Lewis arm wrestled Spud Webb. Once again, many will argue that this game single handedly brought LowBall back from the dead.


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Wifftober V

Date: October 15, 2011
Fields:GapBridge - front 6, HST - mid 6, Friendly Confines back 6
Lagers - 28 - El Guapo, J-Mac, Lonichiro, The Beebs, Lucky Charms
Loggers - 31 - The Black Cloud, Chin Music, The Plastic Surgeon, Hideki O'Leary, Ox, Tremendous

Recap's best quote:

The Plastic Surgeon sauntered up to the left side of the plate, looking particularly comfortable in his fuzzy pants. They looked even better as he chased the three baserunners around the diamond, having catapulted a monster shot over the rightfield fence.

Hugh's Notes
Few know that Season V may never have happened if not for a secret meeting between the Black Cloud and the estranged J-Mac and peculiarly alive El Guapo. The season that followed is only rivaled by season III and featured some of the all time great games including the epic first Wiffsolstice. Wifftober returned to the three field format and its true glory. Rumors still circulate that a crafty off field move by Tremendous was the real reason for the victory. The game was epic in every sense.


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Wifftober VI

Date: October 13, 2012
Fields:Friendly Confines - front 9, HST - back 9
Lagers - 19 - The Black Cloud, J-Mac, Bento Box, Lonichiro, Tremendous, Bad Science
Loggers - 28 - The Show, El Guapo, Chin Music, The Plastic Surgeon, Ox, West Coast

Recap's best quote:

As Hugh Wifflerton has not been into the LowPress office since Friday, we are running the photos for now.

Hugh's Notes

I got my ass laid off the Friday before the game and proceeded to go on an epic bender lasting 12-13 months. Hell if I know what happened, one team scored a heap more runs. I do recall running into the players later that night manhandling the trophy. Man, I love when Wifftober concludes at HST, it ain't a victory unless you are in the bar with a grass stained jersey and cleats on. Hell that is how I always go to the bar now, mainly due to the lack of income since being laid off.


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Wifftober VII

Date: October 26, 2013
Fields:Burnham Front 6, GapBridge Middle 6, Friendly Confines Back 6
Lagers - 10 - Bad Science, Bobby Wasabi, El Guapo, The Show, Tremendous, The Unshod One, West Coast, The Plastic Surgeon
Loggers - 21 - Black Cloud, Chin Music, The Drifter, Lonichiro, Rory Mon/Bob Rossta, Whanny, J-Mac, Ox

Recap's best quote:

Even the miniature horse from Wifftober II appeared out of nowhere to cheer, though it may have just been there to steal pulls off the keg while the wifflers were distracted. Chew dripped from Guap’s lips as the pitches started to fly. A few just missed, a few were fought off and suddenly things were full up. I believe the official pitch count for the at bat was somewhere in the neighborhood of 62 before Guap finally sent one into fair play, a soft liner to the left. It would have scored two and kept the rally alive had the Black Cloud not snatched it, and the Lagers’ hopes, out of thin air.

Hugh's Notes
While I was stumbling around Mexico with the Black Cloud pretending to write his biography, the league was infused with the greatest youth movement ever, at least 3-4 rookies. Despite the sizable youth presence, it was Lonichiro that would leave his mark on the game. He one and doned the side, repeat, he one and doned the side and then went on to slap a grand slam in the bottom half of the same inning. It is an offensive/defensive performance that we will likely never witness again. I believe Lonichiro has been celebrating this moment ever since.


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Wifftober 8

Date: October 25, 2014
Fields:Burnham Front 6, Friendly Confines Middle 6, HST Back 6
Lagers - 9 - Bento Box, Chin Music, Drifter, Lonichiro, The Ox, Unshod One, West Coast, Whanny
Loggers - 15 - Black Cloud, Bad Science, El Guapo, J-Mac, Puss'n Boots, Tremendous

Recap's best quote:

Hunter S. Thompson could not have written a better ending to El Guapo’s time at the Friendly Confines, though I am sure that I could have. With his final swing ever on his prized home field, Guapo launched the ball into the road, a grand slam, a ten run inning, a 13-6 lead, a magical moment for all in attendance, well, other than the Lagers, of course. Even the miniature horse from Wifftober II set down the beer he had stolen from Longreacharow and golf clapped.

Hugh's Notes
Most often my esteemed collegues focus their ramblings upon the pitching and hitting exploits of our Wiffle heroes. Lost in the mix is the utter importance of strategy and defense. The Loggers entered Wiff8 as underdogs despite their previous year's win, owing largely to the controversial trade of Lonichiro and Chin Music for El Guapo. Out of all the Wifftobers that I have drank my way through, this one was the most highlighted by crisp defense and next level strategy. El Guapo's historic pitching and hitting at the Friendly Confines would never had happened if not for miracle plays in the field and the sacrifice of J-Mac's at bat to bring him up with bases juiced and 6 runs in. We, of course, all forgot this in the shiny happy afterglow of the most storybook grand slam ever hit.


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