The Guapo Decision

The Guapo Decision

El Guapo took to local access cable today, in an attempt to raise money for his charity Guapo's Bobble Belly Soup Kitchen, and announced that he would be taking his talents to South Portland. Despite weeks of speculation, including confirmation from the miniature horse from Wifftober II, a close personal friend of El Guapo's, the LowBall nation collectively stood in shock. Some of the more reactionary fans proceeded to burn their ill tailored white Lager jerseys while others, including I, famed wiffle journalist Hugh S. Wifflerton, just openly sobbed into their High Lifes. It would seem the #StayGuap twitter campaign was of little consequence.

Details are beginning to emerge about how this unthinkable travesty could come to be. It appears that the Portland Pale Ales (not to be confused with their cross town rivals the Portland Pail Ails) approached El Guapo following his Wifftober VII defeat. While the details are murky, it appears that they offered a few hot dogs and some hard cider, easily trumping his current salary.

Ever since, El Guapo has quietly been negotiating out of his LowBall contract that ran through Season X. Finally last week a resolution was reached, with the amendment stating that El Guapo would participate in all Wifftobers and would play one final regular season marquee game, El Guapo's Last Stand. The league was quick to find a loophole in the amendment and will require El Guapo to pitch as many innings as he can go, stating, "he'll earn every bite of those lips and assholes in a tasty intestine casing." To ensure his maximum usage, the league placed Black Cloud in a rare Player Manager role. The Cloud was quoted as saying, "bro better stretch his bobble belly out, cause his ass is going the distance."

Fans are rushing to get their tickets for the August 30th extravaganza. We are all left wondering, what will happen to LowBall?

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Member since:
2 August 2007
Last activity:
3 years 16 weeks

A question, if I may, Hugh. What's to become of the various celebrated pieces of Guapmorabilia? The Green Jacket, the mid-riff black Lagers jersey, the eye-black?

And to follow up, what about the grounds? Will the Confines be deeded into the sale of the estate? Or will poaching a wiffle become a new pastime for those yearning for a glimmer if days gone by?