Hugh S. Wifflerton's blog

A Summer Slacktastic?

Well my fellow wiffle fanatics, it has been a roller coaster of a week and we are just getting to the heart of the plastic. On a stormy and dark hump day, El Guapo shocked the LowBall nation by canceling the highly anticipated Summer Classic due to lack of player responses. As the masses collectively grieved the loss of such a storied event, news came down that the oft troubled El Guapo had been rushed to the Betty Ford clinic shortly after the cancellation announcement. Midnight vigils rose across the nation as fans held onto hope that their hero would emerge. Sadly, it was not to be and with the official death notice, chaos erupted.Read more

Wiffdependence, a born classic

As the spectacle of this Saturday's parade fades into the past, the Lagers will face off against the Loggers in the annual Wiffdependence Day game. After a year's absence, the most storied regular season game in LowBall returns to Bristol's only downtown wiffle facility. Not only will this be the third installment of the patriotic plastic bash, it will also mark the season opener of the freshly renovated Hunter S. Thompson Memorial Greens. The grounds crew has been sort of hard at work prepping the greens for the highest level of play.Read more

Remastered Classic | A Belgian Wiffle

The LowPress is pleased to bring its readers the remastered classics series. Utilizing the latest in LowPress technology, we will be touching up some of the games that helped shape LowBall into the league that it is today.

This week we look at "The Belgian Wiffle". This game was played just prior to the first and only Summer Classic. It pitted the core of the LowBall players against each other in a traditional 3 on 3 match-up. Waffles were served and Belgian beer was tasted. The game featured one of the most famous defensive plays in the history of LowBall, a full sprint leap by Hot Rod to rob The Commish of a game ending double.Read more

A Black Cloud Cometh?

As first reported by LMZ, the embattled pitcher Hot Rod Beck has made a drastic and unprecedented move. Early this week, papparazzi staked outside of the HST training complex reported that Hot Rod participated in a fierce batting practice with long time hitting coach, Bob. Midway through the barrage a young fan, possibly his daughter, darted onto the field and either asked for an autograph or declared that dinner was ready, details are unclear. However his response was clear, "no one here goes by Hot Rod". Sparked by this odd statement, the papparazzi swarmed the hitting coach as he was on his customary run through town. Bob only said, "I don't know man, you saw it, he just seems pissed."Read more

Shrinking Distribution Could Spell Ruin for The LowPress

Just as The LowPress completes an unprecedented overhaul and expansion of services, it appears storm clouds are gathering. This spring, The LowPress took an unorthodox approach to their presentation format, mimicking the style of a failing industry. While one or two applauded the action, the general readership seems to be unmoved by it.

I, celebrated writer of the wiffle, Hugh Wifflerton, caught up with Editor-In-Chief of the LowPress, Seth Beck, to discuss.

"Well, you know we thought that when people came to the site, you know those wiffle fans obsessed with their Sunday paper, that they would feel at home."Read more

Shoddy Contract Leaves Hot Rod Questionable for the Big Confines Reopener

Shock trickled through the LowBall nation today as word of Hot Rod's questionable availability for the second game of the season surfaced. The shock rose as the seasoned veteran is not known to miss a regular season game, let alone the first LowBall night game.

The potential tardiness can be traced to an ill advised contract that Hot Rod signed following the 2007 season. Coming off a strong rookie season and a win at the inaugural Wifftober, Beck signed a 3 year contract heavily laced with performance based incentives. At the time, the Commissioner was pushing this style of contract to keep league expenses to a minimum.Read more

Kerouac at Bat

The prose in Kerouac’s various publications mostly imitates the overheated, epithet-studded sportswriting of the day. “It was partly homage,” Mr. Gewirtz said, “and perhaps partly parody, but every now and then an original phrase leaps out.” For example, the description of a hitter who “almost drove Charley Fiskell, Boston’s hot corner man, into a shambled heap in the last game with his sizzling drives through the grass.”

Mr. Gewirtz said, “I really like that ‘shambled heap.’ ” Another description he enjoys is one of an overpowering pitcher who after defeating the opposition by a lopsided score “smiled wanly.”

Kerouac wrote his last baseball account, two mock United Press International reports, in 1958, but he continued to play the game and to tinker with its formulas, making them more realistic, until just a year or two before his death in 1969. His friend the poet Philip Whalen was probably the only one of the Beats who was familiar with this side of Kerouac.

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BREAKING: Bristol Tribune Columnist Sparks Controversary over the "Beerman" call

Early this morning the rumblings started. The first photos from actual play were emerging in virtual print as I, celebrated wiffle columnist Hugh Wifflerton, started to dig into the most controversial play of the weekend's season finale. I had smelled something rank about it early on and it was not just the stench coming from a bunch of hung-over wifflers filled up with chili.Read more

RUMOR | HST lives

 

The LowBall rumor mill has been a buzz following the release of the above photo from the Bristol scouting network.  The spy was only able to snap one shot before a fierce guard dog ran him off of the property.  The photo, which appears quite ordinary to the average observer, shows a short cut on the field of play and an opaque pool strategically placed over the traditional pitcher's mound.  Other observers stated they saw the full ground's crew diligently raking the field and removing the excess trimmings.  

This fresh intel has led to vehement speculation around a possible upcoming game at the only downtown venue.  Hunter S. Thompson Memorial Greens (HST) opened its doors late in 2007 season.  With a 7 foot fence, distinctive paint, and themed games HST became a favorite stop on the LowBall circuit.  The field has played host to such classics as the original Wiffdependence Game, Wiffmorial day, Ich Bin Ein Wiffler, and of course two years of Wifftober championships.

Following last season's Wifftober classic, the owners of HST quickly turned their attention to field renovations to strike the pain of a dismal and stinging loss.  With the coveted Lord Wiffle's trophy residing in the hills of the rival Lincoln, the HST crew set out to ready the field for another fine season of wiffle with the goal of bringing the wiffle bat pillared trophy home.  Unfortunately the financial collaspe of 08 caught much of HST's investment in white plastic futures.  With no funds, the bare frame of the future clubhouse stood in solitude through the winter.  

As the new season approached word started to circulate that HST may not host wiffle at all.  The Commish graciously kept HST on the schedule and when things became dire turned to the newest field, Burnham Field, to fill the void.  As the season has wore on, fans have questioned whether or not HST was going to be ready for the Wifftober epic.  Owner HR Beck has been mostly silent only saying, "The trophy is coming home." when asked about the field.

Now it appears that HST will not only be ready for the big game but may play host to a regular season game or two.  More to come as information becomes available.