Hugh S. Wifflerton's blog

The Definitive Guide to Wiffle Bat Collecting

In a small corner of the internet, a special group of wiffle nerds are constantly scanning for obscure wood and plastic bats of years past. This subculture of vintage wiffle bat collecting has exploded in recent years to at least 10-12 people. Unfortunately the documentation concerning these bats has not kept up with this explosion. As part of Wifftober week, the LowPress visited uber wiffle nerd The Black Cloud to take an indepth look at his collection. During this visit, we also reviewed the most recent 100 sales of vintage bats on the internet. As with every investigative piece on the the LowPress, the research was done quickly and with little regard for perfection. Read more

Wifftober IX Preview - No matter where you go, there you are

Yes wiffle fanatics, with Wifftober IX a mere handful of days off, it's like deja vu all over again. Wifflers are reading the fine print of their Wifftober contracts and signing up one by one as I type. I want to thank all those wifflers for making this day necessary. The big game is not too far off, it just seems like it is. As is a contractually forced tradition, I, famed wiffle journalist Hugh S. Wifflerton, am here to provide a graduate level course in Wifftober. While others try to imitate my preview style, they cannot copy me. Read more

The Fields

The One Game Season - An UPDATED Brief-ish History of Wifftober

By all scientific methods known to man, there is no better way to determine the season of Fall than Wifflers competing in the Wifftober championship. For many years now, a group of dedicated plastic practitioners have gathered for a day long wiffle battle spread across multiple fields and played through whatever weather Lord Wiffle deems appropriate. At the conclusion of the day, some Wifflers triumphantly spill beer from Lord Wiffle's Chalice all over there grass stained jerseys while others wallow in the realization that they will be losers for an entire year. The following summarizes the Wifftobers played to date, click on the title for full write-ups.

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Questions for Season IX

The epic novel that is LowBall will ink its 9th chapter this summer and fans will be treated to yet another season of twists and turns. For an unprecedented ninth year, the great wifflers of LowBall will gather for an undetermined number of games spread sporadically over six months. At the conclusion, a handful of talented and lucky wifflers will celebrate with a long guzzle from Lord Wiffle's Chalice.

As we all await the season opener with nervous anticipation, let's take a look at some of the questions that linger and we hope to have answered this year. We polled the three readers of the LowPress and determined the following to be the most important unknowns.Read more

1. What's the deal with the fields?

W8 - The Wifflerton Preview


Aright let's do this you wiffle wonks, it is finally that magical time of year when a bunch of middle-ish age men play a child's game for an entire day. Yes my friends, it is finally Wifftober 8 and I for one have drank enough Wild Turkey 101 to be excited. For only the eighth time ever, this year's big game will pit the Lagers of Lincoln against the Loggers of Lincoln. A coalition of the willing wifflers has been sent via embossed bubble gum wrappers to the office of the commissioner and now we lay in wait as the Supreme One retires to his sweat lodge retreat to bump knuckles with the wiffle moose and Lord Wiffle willing fabricate the line-ups for W8.Read more

The Guapo Decision

El Guapo took to local access cable today, in an attempt to raise money for his charity Guapo's Bobble Belly Soup Kitchen, and announced that he would be taking his talents to South Portland. Despite weeks of speculation, including confirmation from the miniature horse from Wifftober II, a close personal friend of El Guapo's, the LowBall nation collectively stood in shock. Some of the more reactionary fans proceeded to burn their ill tailored white Lager jerseys while others, including I, famed wiffle journalist Hugh S. Wifflerton, just openly sobbed into their High Lifes. It would seem the #StayGuap twitter campaign was of little consequence.Read more

A Hughmetric Season 8 Preview

No one denies the impact of the Sabermetrics revolution on LowBall. Now that all the teams (Loggers and Lagers) have access to the same metrics and same strategies, General Managers are scrambling to find that next advantage. Luckily for them, I, celebrated (and published) wiffle journalist, Hugh S. Wifflerton, spent many long evenings this winter with my abacus and slide rule to devise the next level of metrics, the Hughmetrics.

Instead of the traditional long winded season preview that no one reads, I am introducing a few of these metrics today in a slightly shorter winded piece that no one will read. Enjoy and enjoy wiffle.Read more

Musings of a Celebrated Wiffle Journalist

Last season I made the decision to leave my regular job as famed wiffle journalist for the LowPress to concentrate on writing "Where There is Smoke, There Are Clouds - the biography of The Black Cloud". Following the inaugural Wiffle Scramble, I started working on "Swinging Bunt" on the side. When the Cloud learned that I was to release "Swinging Bunt" ahead of his rather uninteresting tale, he was visibly upset, as he typically is, but insisted I include a passage he had originally wrote for the LowPress. Here is a portion of that piece, included in Holy Matriwiffle section of Swinging Bunt.Read more

Outrage mounts as sensational rookie, the Unshod One, cut from Wifftober VII roster

As early as 9:07 am this morning, the LowPress was swamped by calls (two) reporting the collection of a feisty crowd in front of the LowBall World Headquarters in Lincoln, Vermont. The crowd varied loud chants from "LET HIM IN" to "OUT WITH THE COMMISSIONER" to "WE WANT BACON". The source of this angered mob can be traced to an unilateral decision declaring rookie phenom The Unshod One ineligible for Wifftober VII. The decision was issued by the league's spokesman Tickle G. Spot yesterday afternoon after The Unshod One submitted his declaration of attendance at 12:01, apparently failing to meet the requirements of the league.

Chief protester Jacques Inseam of the Wifflepeace Organization stated,Read more

Wifftober VII - The Wifflerton Preview

After my rambling history of Wifftober broke records for readership (4 live humans), the LowPress' editors, of questionable ethics, approached me with a grip of cash to re-up my annual Wifftober preview. Due to an expansive gambling debt amassed at the Great Escape squirt gun horse races, I, celebrated wiffle journalist Hugh Wifflerton, drunkenly accepted the offer. So let's get it over.

The Game DayRead more