Welcome back wiffle fans to The Bristol Tribune's continuing coverage of Wifftober III. This week we take a look at a bunch of losers, The Loggers. Since there are no words to describe their failure, I, celebrated journalist Hugh Wifflerton, have pulled a slew of photos from the archives. These images clearly show a team on their way to destruction, fueled by the most controversial argument of all time, ever.

HINT: click photo for high res-ish version

These dedicated souls performed their best impression of the postal service, braving all weather conditions to deliver the goods. Over 1000 photos and 4 hours of video made it into the LowBall archives as a result of their fine efforts.

All of LowBall owes them a big thank you. As a special show of the league's gratitude, the Commissioner authorized a limited edition wiffle card. This marks the first time that a non-wiffler has graced the front of the sacred cards.

It is expected that the next time you see these faces on a LowBall card, they will be in uniform and with some fresh nicknames. Practice hard young wifflers, your day will be here soon.

As karmic redemption goes...I am not an overly religious man though, at times, I can't help but see more than mere coincidence in certain events of life.  Long have I enjoyed the reverie of the LowBallers yet of late I must admit to troubled sleep.  

I have heard tell that the trophy, that Chalice of Chalices, is no longer of the integrity which all Wifflers witnessed throughout the day.  Mere hours after the Lager's laid victorious hands upon the Cup of Lord Wiffle its gleam began to fade.  The finely crafted new base, the foundation if you will, has come undone.  Lord Wiffle perhaps casts his thoughts of the Lager's initial scoring runs for us mere mortals to ponder?

Later, the Cup of Cups chanced to fall from its perch atop a car and the handle liberated itself from the bowl.  That small piece of metal by which one truly lays claim to that Goblet of Good Sportsmanship revolts at the Lager's touch.  Clearly Lord Wiffle is more than discontented with the outcome of the day.

How shall this mess be tidied?

Bris

Early this morning the rumblings started. The first photos from actual play were emerging in virtual print as I, celebrated wiffle columnist Hugh Wifflerton, started to dig into the most controversial play of the weekend's season finale. I had smelled something rank about it early on and it was not just the stench coming from a bunch of hung-over wifflers filled up with chili.

For those that were safely snuggled away during the wee hours of wiffle, the first grand argument of Wifftober III ignited on a pop fly in the initial inning of action. J-Mac, the infamous manager from the Summer Classic of 07, was at the plate facing a struggling Claudio Chinmusic Frank. The bases were juiced and the Loggers had managed to hang only one out on the board.

You live to see wiffle moments like this.

J-Mac sent a fly into the stands behind the home team's dug-out as the Musical Chin crashed through beermen and whiskey sellers alike. Miraculously Claud emerged soaked in beer but holding the ball.

2 down. Bases still loaded.

But no, suddenly the Lagers raised a fuss claiming that J-Mac had called for a tag. It all seemed dubious as the Loggers stood dumbfounded until the Scottish rookie showed his inexperience in the craft of arguing a wiffle call. The young Lucky Charms, the farthest Logger from the play, stated quietly, "Yeah, um, I think I heard it." What seemed to simply be a fine hustle play by the would be Wiffler of the Year, quickly escalated.

Knowing the impact of the situation, but not knowing much else, the Loggers launched into an argument of epic proportions led by their locker room leader, El Guapo.

It traversed all sections of the field and was so lengthy that the teams had to stagger their involvement to save their players for later loud philosophizing. Finally, in what was billed as a concession by the Lagers, the play was deemed a do-over.

J-Mac strolled to the plate appearing upset and drifted a 2 run double, the first runs of the game. The Lagers taunted the beatdown Loggers with chants of karmic redemption, but perhaps karma still has a little left.

The Lagers were quick to ink their version of the day with Lonichiro specifically writing about the "Beerman" call as follows:

These, and many other salient points were bandied about at top volume until it was decided that it would be ruled a do-over -- a first in Lowball history-- costing the Lagers a run and depriving them of what would have been another first for Lowball, the first legitimate use of the Tag Rule.

NOTE: regardless of how many times the tag rule is used, no one will ever remember the previous uses. proof

The Lagers would go on to win a crushing 17-7 battle fueled by stingy defense, solid batting, and ample pitching prowess.

But it was this moment that defined the day, that set the tone, that would haunt the Loggers for 20 innings, and now may just haunt the embattled Commissioner for the entire winter.

For it never should have been. It was neither legitimate as indicated by the victors (who typically write history, unless the losers control the website) nor a simple judgement call. It was as black and white as the Holsteins shown at nearby Addison County Field Days.

This investigation led me from the depths of the interweb all the way to the office of Major League Baseball and I am left questioning everything that I hold to be dear and true in this world.

To explain we begin our journey in the rules section of LowBall as follows -

SACRAFICE FLY RULE: With a runner on third base and less than two outs, the batting team may try and score the runner on third base on a fly ball. As soon as the ball is hit, the offensive team can yell, “TAG” to activate the runner. If the fielder must catch the ball, throw the ball home within 3 seconds, and hit the backstop with one bounce or in the air, to prevent the tagged runner from scoring. If the ball misses or does not reach the backstop within one hop, the runner on 3rd scores. If it hits the backstop; the runner is out at the plate. All other runners will remain where they were. Defense will make the decision if “TAG” wasn't yelled soon enough or not loud enough.

I went to this section hoping to find a definitive answer to where a ball must be to constitute a sac fly opportunity. I was left with no answer one way or the other. It is interesting to note that the Loggers may have had a chance to argue the amplitude of the call had young Charms not blurted out an approval.

I continued reading until I hit the last line in the LowBall rule book.

Rules not stated herein, will follow the rules in accordance with Major League Baseball

Luckily I know some people at the MLB office and quickly located the appropriate rule.
MLB rule book under Section 10.08(d) Sacrifice Runs:

(d) Score a sacrifice fly when, before two are out, the batter hits a ball in flight handled by an outfielder or an infielder running in the outfield in fair or foul territory that
(1) is caught, and a runner scores after the catch, or
(2) is dropped, and a runner scores, if in the scorer's judgment the runner could have scored after the catch had the fly been caught.
Official MLB Rules: 10.00 The Official Scorer

Clearly for a run to score on a sac fly, it must be an outfield hit and this was most certainly not.

Instead of being down 2 with a single out, Claudio should have been tied up with 2 away. The difference on the stat sheet is marginal, but the difference in a pitcher's psyche can be massive. The Chin Musician, regulated by the Socialist regime to pitch set innings (editor's note: this is Hugh's view and does not necessarily reflect that of the Bristol Tribune), went on to give up a total of 8 or so runs, dramatically different from his dominance of the season.

It is one thing to have calls go the wrong way based on a judgement call, like where the ball hits on the backstop, that happens all the time and is very much part of the game. Now when a play, a highly influential play, is called contradictory to the stated rules, this is a very different situation.

Obviously credit goes to an awfully stingy Lager defense and some very lively bats. However, what first appeared to be karmic redemption in their favor may come back to haunt them through the winter.

It is good they chose "real" champagne as their celebratory beverage and left the High Life to the Loggers to fully enjoy the bitter taste of defeat.

Hugh Wifflerton writes the award winning "Eye on the Wiffles" column for the Bristol Tribune, covering the ups and downs of the LowBall league.

Details are slim, but LMZ has secured the above photo showing Lord Wiffle's Chalice in an obvious state of dismay.  The wifflers were spotted leaving Dan's Place late on Saturday evening as patrons chanted and saluted the departing heroes.  This photo, taken outside of the HST venue, shows champion J-Mac holding the trophy as defeated Logger El Guap silently voices his disapproval.  The trophy was later spotted on the outskirts of Bristol missing its base and an handle.  

Destroyed Logger Hot Rod Beck was stopped in the Bristol bakery the following day and only said, "Where did all these yoga city folk come from?"  It is unclear if this has anything to do with the state of the chalice.

Representatives from the Lagers denied requests for comment.

LMZ is the Internet’s premiere address for wiffle news and gossip.

The First Six:

It was 20 degrees at seven AM when the Lowbus made its first stop in Lincoln at Casa de Guapo.  By game time it had warmed to a balmy 28 degrees down in Waltham.  The grounds crew had mowed the frost off the field and was stretching the yellow power cords across the infield to mark the play boundaries.  The air was thick with the giddy feeling of getting away with something.  We had somehow convinced our wives and loved ones that a ten hour wiffle ball game was really the best use of our time.  The teams were pumped and the banter in the Oxley clubhouse was frivolous as West Coast mixed up a top-notch batch of Bloody Marys for the game.  

The Wooden Ones were outside practicing double play balls and warming up their arms for the coming battle. The competitiveness that the Axemen brought to the game was a palpable sign of their hunger for the hardware -- Lord Wiffle's Chalice.  The Lagers, dominant all season long, were more laid back.  They knew that to win they just had to do what they had been doing all season -- drink beer and hurl plastic.  

Lonichiro sang the anthem with added emotion behind the newly enhanced Chalice of Lord Wiffle and the fly-over by the Canadian Color Guard happened about an hour late.  Apparently geese can't tell time.  Claudio led off as the starting pitcher for the Loggers and was rudely slapped awake with a four run burst of power by the frothing Lagers.  Still only the first inning, everyone who wiffles knows that four runs is nothing to a seasoned team like the Loggers, but it proved to be the beginning of a long day of catch-up ball and the Lagers never looked back.  

The best argument of the day came early when J-Mac popped up into foul territory down the right field line.  J-Mac had his wits about him and called "tag" to advance the runner from third.  The ball was caught and no throw came home to gun him down.  When J-Mac asserted that he had indeed called for the tag, confirmed by Lucky Charms, while the ball was still in the air, all hell broke loose on the field. -- Can a runner tag up on a foul ball? How far foul is too far? If it is too far foul wouldn't that be like the fielder diving into the stands?  What if he landed on the guy selling beer?  Would the Beer guy's insurance cover him? -- These, and many other salient points were bandied about at top volume until it was decided that it would be ruled a do-over -- a first in Lowball history-- costing the Lagers a run and depriving them of what would have been another first for Lowball, the first legitimate use of the Tag Rule.  They would have to wait until the top of the 19th inning for that honor when J-Mac again had the presence of mind to call a runner home.  For the time, however, the Loggers won the first argument of the day and Claudio had to pitch to J-Mac again.  The first pitch, coming on a 1-2 do-over count, J-mac ripped for a single. Therefore, instead of facing Lonichiro with two outs, one run in and a man on first and second, Claudio now faced him with one run in, one out and the bases juiced.  Ichiro promptly made them pay for their argument with another hit, and the Lager tide was rising.  El Guapo did garner the MVA --Most Valuable Arguer--award for the series for his introduction of the Beer-man defense.  

The effervescent Lagers rallied for seven runs in the first six innings and held the Axemen to just one run off a poised Oxley in the third.  Sausage bagel sandwiches followed, and the charter flights for Gap-Bridge left just before noon.

The Second Six:

The temperature at the Hallowed Grounds was up in the forties by the time the teams took the field on what had become an epic October day.  West Coast and Lucky Charms were the last to arrive, apparently because West Coast had an appointment for a facial in between games.  The September call-up from the Scottish leagues was asked to comment on why the driver of his car was so long in getting them to the game.  Unfortunately no one could understand what he said through his thick Scottish brogue.  Claudio again took the mound for his team to lead the charge in the top of the seventh, and again he was treated rudely by the Fizzy ones.  Four more runs and an 11-1 Lager lead.  

The pitching of the Lagers staff continued to dominate and by the time the burgers were served the tide had risen to 14-1.  The Woodsmen would have some clear-cutting to do if they were going get out of this forest.  

The Back Nine:

Hunter S. Thompson field was immaculate and the amazing weather made the idea of quitting after only six innings, as planned, seem ludicrous.  Besides the Loggers were going to be needing all nine if they were to have any shot of coming back.  And come back they did, first with a solo home run from the bat of El Gordo in the bottom of the 13th inning off of Lonichiro who served him a meatball on a platter which he golfed over the left field fence.  Again in the bottom of the 14th inning the Loggers finally pounced on T. Trot Thompson III who had stymied them all day.  Trot held his poise as the loggers sent five men around the merry-go-round.  His fielders, who had been sharp all day, missed some routine plays that added to his troubles and it seemed as if the Loggers might finally be getting the rally they needed to make it a game.  

That might have been the case if only they didn't have to face The Ox, J-Mac, and His Holiness the Plastic Surgeon.  Lights-out-Lagers for the next seven innings.  "There was nothing they could do." The Beer Guy was quoted as saying,  "It's bad enough that you have to have to face Mac and Ox, but to know that you're ten runs down and The Scalpel is on the mound?  Fuggedaboutit."  

And forget they did, as the Lagers hoisted the hardware and sipped sweet victory from the Lord's Chalice.  

Post Script:

It was noted by a keen observer that the Lagers put Champagne -- actual Champagne, not the Champagne of Beers, which is the customary beverage for such occasions-- in The Chalice for their celebratory quaffs.  Some wonder if this is a sign that the dreaded gentrification has finally come to Lowball; some wonder if HR hoarded the stash of High Life that he had hoped to be pouring over his own team's heads.  The embattled Commissioner could not be reached for comment.  The world may never know, but one thing we all know for sure:  Lowball will be awash with controversy when the snow melts and we find all the balls we lost in the tall grass.  May it always be so.

One Wiffle

Lonichiro

The Lagers continued, and completed, their dominating roll through the 2009 LowBall season with a convincing 17-7 win in the Wifftober classic. The Lagers bring home a second championship in 3 years, and redeem themselves for last year's Wifftober embassment when they lost to the Loggers 47-17 after winning the Eastren League pennant. In addition to winning this year's pennant,  they also became the first team to win 10 regular season games in LowBall history with a 10-5-1 record, but it was number 11 that they needed to conclude their seeminglly magical ride.

Good morning LowBall Wiffle fans and welcome to Wifftober III.  Today promises to be an epic game of plastic hurling played through the harshest of weather.  At this wee hour of wifftober III, the players are going through their pre game rituals as the temperatures hover in the low 20's.  Well all except West Coast Howell who has just gone to bed.   Your LowBall Sports Network (LSN) will be bringing you all the action today as it unfolds.  Keep checking back for the big news.  Let's Rock.

The Archived Commentary

The agony of defeat :( SB

Moving to final venue lagers up 14-1.

Top 10 lagers 11 loggers 1 SB

Lagers 1 argument loggers 1 argument

After 6 lagers lead 7-1 moving to gap bridge. Lot of wiffle left to play

Loggers are on the board. 7-1 top 6th

Lagers strike for 3 more. Top 4th 7-0

Still leading arguments SB

After two still 4-0 lagers DMF

Loggers 1 argument Lagers 0 arguments

Burned 4 pancakes in bottom of first. Not happy. DMF

The game is on

Teams are on the field

Wifflers are assembled at HST and heading for Burnham. Game On.

pregame smoothies-good. -jrg

West Coast is picking up the Lucky Charms and eggs, only in wiffle.

It is cold out there wiffle freaks